The "Quiet" One

Have you ever had someone scoff at you and say "You have no life!"

I have.

The effect of this sentence can range from mildly annoying to severely irritating to debilitating. This seems ridiculous given the regularity with which it is invoked, most often in jest or teasing. But when it is repeated over and over again in an intentionally insulting manner, it can really get to a person. Eventually you start to question whether or not it's true.

My younger brother especially likes to pull this little gem out when he's annoyed with me or pretty much just when he feels like being a jerk. He likes to tell me that I have no friends because I'm not constantly hanging out with other people. He thinks it's "sad" when I'm home on Saturday night instead of partying, and lets me know it. His repetition of this train of thought really started to make me feel like there was something wrong with me because my social life wasn't blossoming in the stereotypical college manner.

I was complaining about this to a friend of mine a few days ago, and she helped me realize there was nothing wrong, just that I was an introvert. Of course I'd known this since I was little because in grade school in high school we did activities with introverts vs. extroverts; even if I hadn't participated in these though, everyone knows the general description of an introvert is the "quiet one". However there's more to it than that. Introverts like doing things on their own. They aren't anti-social or friendless, but they might prefer doing activities with close friends rather than in large groups. For example, I wouldn't have much fun at a stereotypical college party because there would be too many people and overstimulation.

 Introverts also find interactions more taxing and need to recharge on their own. I know this is definitely a characteristic that I have. Last year I lived in a dorm on campus. While I loved certain aspects of it and found it a good experience, I began to understand that if I didn't have time to myself without other girls around, I became moody and not fun to be around. I find that this can become the case even after a couple of hours being around certain people. Mostly I just put in my headphones and listen to music which can be seen as rude, but is often better than the alternative.

It's hard living in an environment and even a society that values extraversion. Extraverts don't understand how introverts work and think they are just shy and so try to force socializing on them. I'm not saying that introverts understand extraverts any better, but it's just been my experience that the people I know who are extraverted don't really get why I don't talk all the time. It's funny because I love to talk; I'll talk your ear off and have literally talked at my mom for an hour at a time on multiple occasions because my brain just jumped from one topic to the next and I kept going. But this only ever happens with certain people. I also don't feel the need to talk all the time; I'm comfortable with companionable silence which a lot of people are not. I think in this society there is too much of a focus on constant activity and outgoingness that results in the introverts falling through the cracks.

It is also difficult when you're an introvert that dreams of being an extravert. In some ways I really love being an introvert and don't get why people want to be loud and exuberant all the time. However there are so many times when I wish I was the kind of person to go out and party on the weekends or go to the clubs etc. to be around people. I'm really not; if I were by some miracle to go to a party, I would end up sitting in a corner by myself most likely daydreaming.

I'm also shy, which is different than introversion, and am pretty bad at small talk because I don't see any real point to it, but once you get me going on a topic I'm fine, full steam ahead.

Wow that was a lot of commas.
Power to the "quiet" ones. Unite!

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