If I Ever Leave This World Alive

Listening to: "Black is the Colour" by Gaelic Storm

Drinking: Tea of course :P

Reading: Shattered Mirror

Well it's 2013! We made it through the end of the world, aren't we all so clever, we should all pat ourselves on the back before we go back to slow destroying the planet and each other.

Congratulations, that was your daily dose of sarcasm. :P

It's hard to believe that it's already almost the end of January. But I guess since I've spent the last four weeks pretty much just sleeping, reading, and watching Netflix, I shouldn't be surprised that time has passed without my knowledge. However, the end of January spells change once again. Well I guess it's not really anything new, just different from what it has been recently.

That's right, starting February 4th, I will be officially immersed in the second semester of my college career. This of course means that I will be moving back into the dorm next weekend and frantically trying to get my homework done before the first day of class.

I should have done this a month ago, but the end of the semester busy. I kind of just want to reflect on my first semester.

I think that the most glaring fact is that it was not what I was expecting it to be; from talking to other girls on my floor, they felt the same way. I had the same issue with high school, although I think college is even more distorted. From tv shows and movies we get this shiny, intense, free, exciting look at what college life is like. Now granted I knew it would be different going to a small all-girls school, but I guess maybe I expected more?

Don't get me wrong, I love the atmosphere and the feeling of sisterhood etc, but it gets really boring on weekends, and I do miss dudes if only for the social aspect of talking to someone who is not female.

Also I've come to learn a lot about myself. The most important thing being that I can only stand a certain amount of people-time and then I need to be alone. It's thus really tough living with someone else because you can't be alone in your own room. However at the same time I can't be completely alone or I get restless as I found out last summer. It's hard though because in order to not blow up and start screaming at people, I try to pull into myself and just ignore everyone and put my headphones etc. I can't explain to anyone because I have my pride and I don't want their pity...plus I wouldn't know what to say.

At the end of the semester my mood was pretty dark and I just felt like I needed to get out. Now it's loads better and I'm even kind of looking forward to going back, but I know it's still not going to change much. It's ironic because the root of most of my issues is Change itself. Everyone else seems to loving growing up and being in college but  I just can't face the future. I don't see anything to look forward to except debt, working all the time, and being miserable. Why are people so anxious to run headlong into the harshness of the world? What's the point?

Well anyway, that's all I guess. Wow depressing stuff. Oh well.
Peace.
slán go fóil