Tuesday, August 30, 2011

So fill to me, the parting glass...

Sometimes I see Ireland as just a place I want to return to someday.
I've been away so long some of the longing as dissipated. But then there are those days where it's like a physical ache in my gut, the pain of being able to listen to Irish music, look at pictures of Ireland and watch movies of Irish people and not actually being able to go there and experience it for myself. 
Sometimes it just hits you.
This past weekend was the Irish Fair of Minnesota. Now, I hadn't been to the Irish fair in like ten years. The last time I was there, the only thing I remember is that I was excruciatingly bored. I remember I couldn't wait to leave.
This was completely different.
I'm not sure why I never thought of it before. I love the festivities at the Landmark center every St. Patrick's Day; not because they're overly grandiose, in fact they're rather small and can be kind of a pain in the ass, but because on St. Patrick's Day all the Irish in Saint Paul gather to celebrate their Irish heritage. Irish Fair was no different. All those people there to listen to the music, drink Guinness and celebrate coming from such an amazing place. I felt so much as if I belonged among the crowd i ended up going all three days. :)
The first two times were at night which I think I prefer because for one thing it was cooler, but for another, there is so much more scope for the imagination under the stars listening to penny whistles and bagpipes.

On Sunday however, I went in the afternoon with a bunch of my friends (versus going with my dad the other two evenings). I noticed that (at least until the end) the Fair was not quite the same. I mean, obviously with different people the experiences are expected to be different, but this was rather distastefully so. It did however lead me to realizations about myself as well as my friends. I realized that when I think of Ireland, it is always surrounded in Mist, Myth, and Magic. That will never change for me. The problem with going with friends to the fair was that they don't share the same connection with Ireland that I do....and it has nothing to do with heritage. I have come to the conclusion that in order to feel the way I feel, you have to believe in magic. Like really believe in magic. It may sound like I'm completely off my rocker, but with Ireland I feel like anything's possible.
Anyway, at the very end of the fair, things definitely took a turn for the better. After the last music group finished their set on the Mainstage, there was what they called a Scattering. All the musicians that had performed at the fair all weekend then got up on stage and they all together played a few songs. Two of them were so beautiful they had me in tears. Honestly, I was doing okay until they brought in the bagpipes...
I never wanted it to end...
The two songs were:
The Wild Mountain Thyme (Will Ye Go Lassie Go)
and
The Parting Glass (which they played in memory of someone who had died who had dedicated his life to the Irish fair)

ok,.i'll stop now
love and peace and always,
Slainte,
B

Thursday, June 2, 2011

There Were Roses

I find myself in recent weeks once again contemplating the religion. 
Actually, this isn't much of a surprise since it seems as if a good portion of my time is spent meditating on this topic. In the past three years my opinion on the matter has changed and 
evolved many times.


In 2008, fresh out of nine years in a Catholic grade school, I went searching for new things, primarily Wicca. I don't even really remember why I got interested in it in the first place, but I think it was because I read The Mists of Avalon (if you haven't read it and like Arthurian legend, I would strongly suggest this). Although it has been confusing sometimes, the last three years of looking at new religions and looking at my birth religion with fresh eyes has really helped me to make more clear to myself what my beliefs are. I discovered that although having rebelled against it for  the past three years, I still cling to the roots of Catholicism and Christianity. However, when I was researching Wicca and Celtic paganism, I saw many Many parallels with Christianity which made me revise my earliest conceptions. Many things that I've been taught since my early years I take for granted as truth, but I tend to worship the feminine side of the Trinity which the Church conveniently ignores. My patron, for lack of a better word is St Brigid because she is the Christian embodiment of the pagan goddess Brigid, daughter to Dagda. 


One thing I really hate when people slam the Catholicism is when they take for granted that the Church is the religion. The religion is the religion, the Church is just the twisted interpreter. The religion itself is not the problem, it's the people who mess up the translation and then spout their mumbo jumbo as "The Word of  God". 


It's even worse when religions have the audacity to say that they are the "one true religion" and their god is "the one true god" which incidentally I don't believe in. I don't believe that there is only one true god, just many faces of one higher being. Which I guess is leaning more toward agnosticism but whatever.  Evidence to back this up can be seen throughout history among the earliest deities. For example, Aphrodite was the goddess of love in Greece. Venus was her counter-part in Rome, and Ishtar in the Middle East. All named differently and probably depicted differently due to cultural differences, but representing the same aspect of the higher being, just personified.


I don't understand why people can't just agree that there's someone up there pulling the strings and doling out karma like nobody's business, and just move on with their lives without the violence.


this song tells of all the troubles caused by religious non-acceptance:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVlIV9dqVXA .


Anyway, not exactly where I originally intended to go with this, but o well, ramblings are ok. :)
Sláinte,
B

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Sometimes I wish the faeries would steal me away.....

Sometimes I wish I couldn't feel and that I couldn't bond to other people and most of all that change wouldn't bother me in the least.

the seniors have three days left and I'm dreading their last day and the sense of loss that I'll feel. I only really got to know and become good friends with a bunch of the seniors this year (much to my self-deprecation) and I only realized how much I'm going to miss them. But it's not just my friends that I'm going to miss...it's the people that I've seen around Central for the past three years. For example, there's this guy that has been on my bus for the past three years, he was there on my first bus, and even though he and I have never even spoken (to my recollection) I'm going to be really sad when I don't see him next year. And besides this it worries me that this is affecting me so strongly (already) and I have to go through saying goodbye to my own classmates yet at the end of next year. I rely on the general stagnancy of my environment too much and then am completely screwed up when anything changes. Tons of my classmates have been like "i can't wait to get out of here and get to college", while I'm sitting there wishing time would slow down. :(

in other news, i have the worst luck with dudes.
Peace out

Friday, May 13, 2011

The hills fill my heart with the sound of music, my heart wants to sing every ♥song it hears

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I MET JULIE ANDREWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol I will totally dish tomorrow, I promise, but now I'm tired and I have a new book waiting for me upstairs :)
but suffice it to say I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS!!!
<3 B

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Diamonds are NOT a girl's best friend....

So. (yes I know, I always begin with "so this, or so that" but as this is a rather informal blog as it is, i feel no need for formal introductions).
So in my Political Philosophy class, we recently started a new unit on Human Rights. I'm not exactly sure why we need to learn things after taking the IB test, but I think it's mostly to keep the seniors from ditching in the last weeks of school. Anyway, for the last two days we have been watching the movie Blood Diamond about the internal and external conflict over resource and land control, especially control of the diamond trade. There is so much killing, at times it's hard to watch. I know that living in modern American society we become desensitized to violence, and I must admit that when watching a movie like Die Hard or Inception, I don't really care whether the bad guy dies or not, or whether, in Inception for example, nameless body-guards die. However this movie is on a whole different level. In the first ten minutes you see so many innocent women and children die, shot mercilessly by rebels. I think the thing that makes this movie different is the fact that this really happens, that right at this moment some innocent person in Africa is being killed because of some quarrel over resources or land.

At one point in the movie when all the heads of the world powers were gathering to discuss what could be done to help and how to change policies for the better, a comment is made about how America is responsible for the largest percentage of diamond sales, and that this was unlikely to change. This made me pretty upset. Personally, I don't like diamonds much, I've never been attracted to them, preferring color and simplicity. This movie however has made me vow that if I ever get married, I will not have a diamond ring, and I'll not buy any diamond jewelry. I know perfectly well that my boycott will not make much of a difference if any at all, but it will make me feel like I'm doing my part.....typical American sentiment lol. I may be a bleeding heart liberal, but I'm also a major cynic, and a coward when it comes right down to it...I'd never be able to go to Africa to help in a mission or be a journalist. On the one hand, I cannot believe the cruel levels to which humans will stoop in quest of riches and power. I wish there was something that we could do to help make life better, even though hypocritically I am usually arguing over why Americans have to take care of everyone else. On the other hand, I know that this will never change.

I recently had to write an essay connecting a penchant for war and human nature. My cynical hand took over and I wrote rather pessimistically about how war is inevitable and Peace impossible because as long as people cannot share and cannot be accepting of differences, there will always be conflict. And although we as America could probably make a difference if we took a strong stand and stopped buying diamonds, there is no way in hell that that will ever happen, You want to know why? Because there is GREED. Greed which drives all morality away. And because all the little girls have to have their giant rock glittering on their finger for all to admire and be jealous over. Anyway, this movie made me think and in doing so that despite all my optimistic peace-talk and my 'make love, not war', I really have no faith in mankind. I see myself living out the rest of my days separated from the atrocities in the world, living a comfortable sheltered life while people continue to kill each at the drop of a hate without fail. The hopelessness of it all seriously almost made me start crying yesterday in class, the emotion was that strong. :(

I would like to say that although HORRIBLY depressing, Blood Diamond is still a good movie and one worth seeing is you can stomach the violence and the tragedy. One especially good aspect in its favor is the presence of a certain Leonardo DiCaprio is ruggedly gorgeous and who has at least one scene of amazing fanservice in which he is wearing only a towel around his waist....a lovely picture to be sure.
Anyway, I should really finish my English presentation...night lovelies.


Mo mhíle grá (my thousand loves)
B

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Merry Beltaine! and other thoughts...

Hello everybody (although non-existent),
Merry Beltaine!
 Today represents the joining of the God and the Goddess and is the time of growth and fertility. Also known as the Fire Festival, bonfires are lit in celebration of fertility and purification. In ancient days the herds of animals were passed between the two giant fires in order to purify them before sending them off to the summer pastures. This is the first day of summer in the pagan year.  beltane fires
( a great song to listen to, incidentally the one I'm listening to now, is Loreena McKennitt's  "Huron 'Beltane' Fire Dance")

Do you ever have the feeling where you're just barely keeping your head above water and that at any moment the stress in your life will become too much and you'll just snap? I really hate feeling like this.  Most of the time my stress-level is bubbling at bearable, but sometimes things will just set me off and I feel like I have to hit a wall, which of course never solves anything. The other day someone I love dearly was going on and on about their troubled love life and I was trying to help. I always take on the stress and drama of those I love which is not really all that healthy, but I am fiercely protective. Anyway, they were complaining and I told them that if they were so unhappy they should break it off with their significant other, to which they promptly told me to essentially mind my own business and that it wasn't my problem. This on top of some other stuff that's just been needling me, just set me off and I honestly wanted to punch a hole in the wall....I didn't, I cleaned instead. I hate cleaning, so I have no idea why I thought this would help, but apparently it did.

I am rather proud of myself however, for finally getting over something that's been seriously troubling me for months. Losing a friendship is always hard, but it's even harder when it's lost because of some personal foolishness on your part. This happened to me and I've been seriously trying to get over it for months but nothing's worked. I just couldn't reconcile myself to the fact that because of something I did, nothing was going to ever be the same...even when what I did was pretty minor and merely an annoyance. However, this last week I finally was able to write a poem  which although saddening, it was very cathartic. I have come to terms with the situation but it's still depressing. But when the poem was finished, I felt a great weight lifted and despite the feeling of missing someone, my mood lifted significantly as if this has been dragging me deeper and deeper into the abyss of depression. So I'm putting my best foot forward and am slowly (but surely) recovering myself.

I have to study now, before my parents eat me alive, I have an SL Philosophy test on Tuesday and Wednesday..eek! :O
Síorghrá (eternal love) 
B

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Faerie Speaks-Ch. 1


Royal Proclamation
Let today be declared a national holiday, for the birth of two princesses is to be celebrated with much gaiety and triumph. Let each man, woman, and child eat and drink their fill, for none shall be unhappy on this glorious day of all days.

They were beautiful. Queen Serena sighed in ecstasy as she gazed lovingly into the basket next to her. There were her babies, her little darling girls.  She still couldn’t believe they were real; despite having carried them for the last nine months, she had to reach out and touch them every few minutes to be persuaded that they really were here in the world. The door opened quietly and Raoul stuck his head around the door, his eyes tired, and his beard not nearly as neat as usual. Serena placed her finger to her lips and motioned him inside, a silly grin on her face. He smiled adoringly at her, coming first to kiss her lightly on the forehead before moving to stand before the basinet.
“They are the most beautiful creatures in the whole world,” he breathed, reaching out a gentled finger to stroke a soft forehead.
Serena smiled to see strong Raoul so overcome with awe and gentleness. “We must decide on their names, dearest. I wish they’re naming ceremonies to occur as soon as possible for ‘tis bad luck to leave a baby unnamed for too long; the fairies might think they’re unwanted and steal them away, never to be heard of again.”
Raoul humored his wife her superstitions but held no stock in most of them; for what reason would the fairies have to take his precious darlings? Serena’s face clouded remembering, not for the first time in recent months, the bargain that Raoul knew nothing of. She would have to tell him at some point, for the castle must be barricaded.
“Well my dear, this fair beauty must be called Dawn,” he said gesturing to the red-head, “on account of her hair.”
Serena nodded in agreement, relishing the elegance in such a name. “What about the other precious?” she mused as Raoul stroked his chin thoughtfully.
 “How about calling her Raven?”
Serena hesitated. “’Tis a fine name to be sure, but I just don’t see a great bird when I look into those violet pools, despite her raven curls; what about Maleficent?”  
Now the queen had read child’s story long ago that mentioned the name Maleficent and she had taken a liking to the gothic pronouncement, not understanding the meaning behind such a name, she suggested it now to be the name of her daughter. Raoul, knowing no more than his wife with regard to the meaning of the name Maleficent, saw only the beauty and uniqueness his wife saw and he heartily agreed.
“Dawn and Maleficent, we’ll call her Mal for short of course, what beautiful names befitting such angelic baby princesses.”
 Serena who had placidly taken up the needlework that lay next to her, felt a sudden chill when Raoul voiced the name Maleficent, a chill that coursed to her very bones.
“My king,” she began hesitantly. “There is something I must tell you, but I fear you shall be angry with me.”
Raoul moved away from the basinet and moved to stand next to his wife. “My dear, you have given me two beautiful daughters, there is naught that can make me angry with thee.” Serena flinched at the certainty in his voice, heartily wishing she could be confident in that.
“I’ve wanted to have children for so very long, and it seemed as if the gods had turned deaf ears to my pleas for solace.”
 Raoul nodded knowledgably, remembering her fits of depression whenever one of her ladies had become pregnant or whenever she had seen a mother tending a unruly child.
“Nine months ago, I felt as  if  the world was ending when my courses came once again. The future was an endless pit of darkness and my heart felt to be compressed by an iron vice. There  I sat at my window, pleading hopelessly with the bitter moon when she appeared, Queen of Fae.”
Raoul, who had been absently patting her arm, stiffened and tuned back into his wife’s tale. “Maeve showed herself here?”
 “Yes, she stepped from shadow as easily as the moon from behind a cloud.”
“What was her purpose?” Raoul didn’t trust the faeries, with their magic and their malicious sense of humor. Serena cowered at the expression which hardened her husband’s kind eyes, but continued nonetheless.
“She had heard by supplications and claimed to have come to grant my dearest wish. She told me that she would give me two precious daughters, one with red hair, and one with black.”
Raoul raised an eyebrow. “The fae never offer anything without demanding something of value in return.”
The cloth she had been systematically stitching fell to Serena’s lap as she covered her face in her hands. Raoul put his arms around her shaking form and let her rest her head on his shoulder. “Now, tell me what happened, love.”
It was easier for Serena this way, she couldn’t see his face; this way she wouldn’t see his eyes darken with anger when she told him she had wished away his daughter to the Faerie Queen. “She told me she would give me daughters if…if…if I promised to give the dark-haired one to her to be raised by the faeries.”
Serena clutched her husband even as she felt him go rigid in her desperate arms. Raoul didn’t dislodge her from the embrace, but he no longer petted and cooed at her comfortingly. Serena tried to explain, her voice rising to hysterics even as her husband remained silent.
“She told me I would never have children without her gift! That I would be barren and lonely for the rest of my life! I couldn’t live with that, here was my chance, I was desperate! OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?” Serena collapsed limply against her husband in a dead faint as the woken babies screamed shrilly.
            The hired nurse maid came running, alarmed by the harsh racket. Upon seeing the queen in such a state, she froze in fright.
“Don’t just stand there!” the king snarled, trying to renew his wife to her senses. “Get them quiet!”
The maid moved obediently to the basinet and took each babe and placed one on each hip, bouncing gently to lull them back to sleep. She watched curiously as the king tried to revive his lady by bathing her forehead in cool water from the bowl next to the bed calling her name every so often, until he raised his bowed head and met her eye.
“Get them out of here!” he hissed through his teeth.
The maid hurriedly followed orders, laying each now cooing baby in the basinet before carefully carrying them out the door in the direction of her own room. Once the nosy maid was gone, Raoul shook his wife’s shoulder more vigilantly until one eye opened groggily. The king sighed in relief as Serena shook her head slightly and gingerly sat up with his help. Once she had regained sufficient control of her faculties to remember the situation, her eyes became those of a hunted animal caught in an open clearing with the hunter bearing down.  Fearing a relapse of unconsciousness, Raoul spoke gently despite the urgency of the matter.
“Now dearest, what exactly did Maeve tell you.”
“Just what I’ve told you,” Serena said faintly. “She said she would give me two daughters but that I must bestow one on her to repay her for her help”
“Did she say when the baby must be relinquished?”
“N-n-no,” Serena replied thinking hard. “She never said when, just that she must be released into their care.”
Raoul stroked his beard, a plan formulating in his mind. “Well then, since we have no idea when they might come for her, we must have protections put in place immediately. I will have Sarita bring the babies back in here and then will have the guard post a twenty-four hour sentry outside the door to this apartment. Lock all your windows and don’t open them until we are sure that the danger looming is past.” He strode purposefully to the door, turning back momentarily to look at his drained wife. “We will not let them get away with stealing away our daughter from us, I promise.”
            Serena was filled with awe at her husband’s apparent calmness and level head.  Moments after his royal presence had left the room, the maid returned with a baby in each arm, her chest heaving with the unaccustomed exercise. Although still terrified of what the near future held, Serena reached out and took each bundle, feeling serenity sweep over her as she clasped them to her breast. She cooed delightedly to the cherubs for the next few hours, never growing tired of the flashes of unintended emotion that flitted across the faces of the two girls, be they awake or fully in the grasp of the dream world. When the sun’s mighty strength began to wane and the last rays struggled fiercely to uphold appearances outside Serena’s window,  Serena had Sarita close the heavy velvet drapes, immediately plunging the room into murkiness. Candles were lit to alleviate the gloom and after Raoul had joined her once again, Serena called for music despite the fact that the twins were asleep in once more in their basinet. Husband and wife were crowded together on the bed, Serena lounging comfortably in the circle of Raoul’s arms, her head against his chest. When the summoned performer arrived, Serena heard the heavy tramp, signature to royal guardsmen, outside her door and she felt calmer than she had in the days since Maeve had come and struck her bargain. A sigh of relief escaped Serena’s lips and Raoul tugged her still closer.
“I love you,” she murmured as the lively fiddler began an intricate jig. Raoul squeezed her shoulder tenderly, but said nothing.
            The dancers that had followed the fiddler into the room seemed to be tireless in their exertions, dancing one reel or jig after another, their feet positively flying. After an hour or two though, Raoul began to feel his wife’s exhaustion as she sank more deeply against him and fought to keep a yawn from breaking her polite smile and focused attention. He stroked her head fondly and caught the musician’s eye. Curtly he jerked his chin at the door. Being an intelligent man and recognizing the irritation in the king’s eye, the fiddler brought the music to a graceful yet swift conclusion. The dancers stopped moving, stumbling slightly at the abrupt termination of their set, but they quickly regained their composure and bowed to the monarchs before hurrying out the door. The fiddler was the last to leave and tipped his hat at his king and queen before tripping saucily out the door. Raoul gently removed himself from behind his wife, carefully laying her back in the soft pillows; her eyelids fluttered but Raoul closed each with a soft kiss before laying the down coverlet over her. In her sleep she murmured softly, but soon settled in her new position. Raoul walked carefully to the door, taking one last glance at his little family before stepping through the door. On the other side the guards were just changing shifts. All soldiers present stood at attention as the King passed, stopping to confer momentarily with the Captain of the Guard. After this dialogue he continued to his study where awaited him a comfortable chair, a warm fire, and a much-needed brandy.
            All remained silent in the Queen’s bedchamber, the only sounds coming from the sleeping inhabitants. The room was pitch-black except for a sliver of moonlight which slipped through the stronghold of the heavy drapes. Shadows pooled mysteriously at the edges of the room, rippling gently as if disturbed ever so slightly by an unseen force. Not long after the last light had been extinguished outside the Queen’s door, a shape began to emerge from the darkness as if forming from the insubstantial shadows themselves. As the form became more distinct, the clever moonlight caught on a mass of wild, black curls and a silver hilt peeping from a leather boot. Meave stepped fully into the room, shaking off the last vestiges of concealment. Outfitted much as she had been the night she made her vow, the Faerie Queen drifted over to the basinet where the two babes lay nestled against one another in companionable sleep. Hesitating not a moment, she lifted the raven-haired child from its nest and wrapped it in her cloak. As the babe slept on in her arms, Meave looked down into the peaceful face and couldn’t help but smile, albeit somewhat mischievously. “You, my pretty, are destined for great things.” The Faerie Queen laughed softly and then covering the baby princess more precisely, dissolved into the blackness of the night once more.