I have a very sick obsession.
There is quite literally not a day that goes by in which I do not think of the consecutive seven letters I-R-E-L-A-N-D at least once. Every time that someone asks me if I'm 100%, or even half Irish, I feel like a guilty poser. I'm only a quarter. There are a ton of people all across the country and even the world who are part Irish and never give it a second thought. What is wrong with me?
For eighteen years I've been surrounded by Ireland by nature of being brought up in my house. But so what? I know for a fact that going there three years ago definitely made it worse. I miss it so much! But the thing is, I feel like my brain has taken the concept of Ireland and run with it. I felt this way before we went in 2010, I remember. My dad kept making comments about how I was going to be disappointed in Ireland or how I was going to be bored; I think he was a bit nervous actually. Now I'm just worried that next time I go I'll be disappointed because I've romanticized it so much. It probably doesn't help that I've been taking an Irish and Scottish Lit class. It will be interesting to see how much I think of Ireland next semester; maybe it will decrease. Haha. I doubt it.
Anyway, as I really have to pee (something I'm sure all of you were just dying to know about), I'll bid adieu.
Much love,
B
Monday, December 10, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
How lovely to be a woman...
This is a random post about being a woman in the world and femininity in general.
So for several years I have had issues with my body and the way I look. Who hasn't? I take my hat off to anyone really, not even just females, who has never had a problem with their image; if such a person exists, which I doubt. Anyway, this last June I wanted to buy myself a bikini, something I have never owned, choosing instead the more conservative "tankini". My mom who was with me was uncomfortable with me buying one (even though I'm 18) because she thought that I felt that I needed to show more for boys to like me. In fact the reason that I wanted to buy one was to prove to myself that I was confident enough to wear it; which I did. :)
However, this instance and others related have given me much food for thought, and I'm still not sure exactly where I stand. Part of this has to do with strippers, the way girls dress today, and I guess just the female image. On the one hand I feel like girls that dress slutty are only doing it to get the attention of guys and I think i sort of think lowly of strippers because they parade around half-naked all the time. However, on the other hand I know that there are people who are just super comfortable with their body and I have to respect that. But even though I feel comfortable (to an extent) wearing a bikini, why do I feel the need to show off my body in the first place? Why is this a confidence boost? I can't help but asking myself why girls continue to bear their cleavage etc no matter how comfortable they are with themselves because it perpetuates a stereotypical view of women.
Then I have to condemn myself. I know that when there's a possibility of being in the presence of a guy, like if I'm going out or something, I'm more likely to put on a low-cut tank, or a fitted tee. This may sound desperate, but it's not. It's more the fact that I know I look good with this accentuation of my form. However, my question is, why don't I think that when I'm wearing a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants? Why do we only feel good about ourselves when we slap on some makeup and spend hours on our hair? I obviously don't want guys to sit there and look at my breasts from across the room, but then why do I wear the shirts? Do I think it will get them to come talk to me? It never works anyway lol.
I feel like for centuries admiration of Natural Beauty has been nearly extinguished by an emphasis on the idea that one needs to "pretty one's self up". We spend all our time judging the appearance of others, and lord knows I do it all the freaking time (though I'm not proud of it), and thinking "Well, maybe if they tried a little harder..."
They shouldn't have to. We are all beautiful because we are women, a beautiful (mostly) and dangerous thing.
If anyone actually reads this, tell the next female you see how beautiful she is, and realize that it's true, we are ALL beautiful.
Ok, I'm done :p
Peace and Love,
Slaínte
B
So for several years I have had issues with my body and the way I look. Who hasn't? I take my hat off to anyone really, not even just females, who has never had a problem with their image; if such a person exists, which I doubt. Anyway, this last June I wanted to buy myself a bikini, something I have never owned, choosing instead the more conservative "tankini". My mom who was with me was uncomfortable with me buying one (even though I'm 18) because she thought that I felt that I needed to show more for boys to like me. In fact the reason that I wanted to buy one was to prove to myself that I was confident enough to wear it; which I did. :)
However, this instance and others related have given me much food for thought, and I'm still not sure exactly where I stand. Part of this has to do with strippers, the way girls dress today, and I guess just the female image. On the one hand I feel like girls that dress slutty are only doing it to get the attention of guys and I think i sort of think lowly of strippers because they parade around half-naked all the time. However, on the other hand I know that there are people who are just super comfortable with their body and I have to respect that. But even though I feel comfortable (to an extent) wearing a bikini, why do I feel the need to show off my body in the first place? Why is this a confidence boost? I can't help but asking myself why girls continue to bear their cleavage etc no matter how comfortable they are with themselves because it perpetuates a stereotypical view of women.
Then I have to condemn myself. I know that when there's a possibility of being in the presence of a guy, like if I'm going out or something, I'm more likely to put on a low-cut tank, or a fitted tee. This may sound desperate, but it's not. It's more the fact that I know I look good with this accentuation of my form. However, my question is, why don't I think that when I'm wearing a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants? Why do we only feel good about ourselves when we slap on some makeup and spend hours on our hair? I obviously don't want guys to sit there and look at my breasts from across the room, but then why do I wear the shirts? Do I think it will get them to come talk to me? It never works anyway lol.
I feel like for centuries admiration of Natural Beauty has been nearly extinguished by an emphasis on the idea that one needs to "pretty one's self up". We spend all our time judging the appearance of others, and lord knows I do it all the freaking time (though I'm not proud of it), and thinking "Well, maybe if they tried a little harder..."
They shouldn't have to. We are all beautiful because we are women, a beautiful (mostly) and dangerous thing.
If anyone actually reads this, tell the next female you see how beautiful she is, and realize that it's true, we are ALL beautiful.
Ok, I'm done :p
Peace and Love,
Slaínte
B
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Whenever You're in Trouble, Just Stand By Me
Hello blog universe :)
Why does it seem I am only capable of posting at six-month intervals? Oh well.
So. A ton has happened since I last posted in February. Probably the most important thing is that I graduated. I am officially an alumna of Central High School! Go Minutemen!. It's so hard to believe that I only spent four years there; it seems like much longer. I think it's because I changed so much while I was there; some for the better, some probably for the worse. I joke with my friends that my poor innocent little freshman self would probably be scared (and rather appalled no doubt) of my senior self. I loved Central and will always remember it fondly, and plan to visit it often, not only to see friends in lower years but also to visit my favorite teachers. '12!
Another thing that happened that's pretty huge is that I FINALLY FINISHED IB! No more stupid Internal Assessments or Extended Essay, and best of all NO MORE FREAKING TOK!! As you can see, I'm pretty psyched about being done. The best part is that I actually managed to get the IB Diploma! By one measly point ;) Take that stupid IBO!! I still think that we should have organized a march on Cardiff where the headquarters are. It's interesting because all throughout I bemoaned my choice of getting into the program and swore if I could go back I wouldn't sign up for such an odyssey. However now I'm not so sure. Sure it was tough and I stressed myself out to the point of affecting my health, but there was a sense of solidarity that arose between all the "IB Kids". Not everyone got along, or even liked each other, but we were still all in hell together. And damn did it feel good to stand up in front of all the parents at Senior Honors Night and graduation with that golden stole knowing that I was a part of something, we pushed ourselves to the limit and succeeded. :)
The summer itself has been both incredibly boring and amazingly fun. When asked, I usually explain it as "the days are super boring, the nights are really fun". Thinking back, that could definitely be taken in a sordid light, but it isn't meant to be. It's just that a group of my friends usually operates at night. I spent the first couple of weeks of summer wandering the streets with a bunch of guys at 2am which is pretty fun. The most exciting incident being when I "crashed" a sleepover of like eight guys and one girl at 4:30 am. I was scared of getting caught, but I'm apparently good at lying through my teeth. :p
Then I got my license, so now I drive around at night with people. :)
The most memorable trip so far was with three of my friends. First we drove to Como Lake at like 11pm which has become somewhat of an informal inauguration within my friend group. Then we decided to drive downtown and go to Mickey's Diner as none of us had ever been there before. Thtat was certainly interesting considering it was my first time driving downtown alone; I was freaked that I was going to get caught accidentally doing something illegal, but luckily they have a parking lot to park in.
Other than that the summer has been fairly uninteresting. I found out my room mate and dorm today, which made everthing seem all that much closer. I guess it's for the better, because in reality I only have just over a month before the world flips upside down.
I guess that's all for now,
Slainte,
B
PS once I start school I'm going to try and write at least once a week to try and stay sane amonst all the madness, but I can't promise to do so.
Peace and Love!
Why does it seem I am only capable of posting at six-month intervals? Oh well.
So. A ton has happened since I last posted in February. Probably the most important thing is that I graduated. I am officially an alumna of Central High School! Go Minutemen!. It's so hard to believe that I only spent four years there; it seems like much longer. I think it's because I changed so much while I was there; some for the better, some probably for the worse. I joke with my friends that my poor innocent little freshman self would probably be scared (and rather appalled no doubt) of my senior self. I loved Central and will always remember it fondly, and plan to visit it often, not only to see friends in lower years but also to visit my favorite teachers. '12!
Another thing that happened that's pretty huge is that I FINALLY FINISHED IB! No more stupid Internal Assessments or Extended Essay, and best of all NO MORE FREAKING TOK!! As you can see, I'm pretty psyched about being done. The best part is that I actually managed to get the IB Diploma! By one measly point ;) Take that stupid IBO!! I still think that we should have organized a march on Cardiff where the headquarters are. It's interesting because all throughout I bemoaned my choice of getting into the program and swore if I could go back I wouldn't sign up for such an odyssey. However now I'm not so sure. Sure it was tough and I stressed myself out to the point of affecting my health, but there was a sense of solidarity that arose between all the "IB Kids". Not everyone got along, or even liked each other, but we were still all in hell together. And damn did it feel good to stand up in front of all the parents at Senior Honors Night and graduation with that golden stole knowing that I was a part of something, we pushed ourselves to the limit and succeeded. :)
The summer itself has been both incredibly boring and amazingly fun. When asked, I usually explain it as "the days are super boring, the nights are really fun". Thinking back, that could definitely be taken in a sordid light, but it isn't meant to be. It's just that a group of my friends usually operates at night. I spent the first couple of weeks of summer wandering the streets with a bunch of guys at 2am which is pretty fun. The most exciting incident being when I "crashed" a sleepover of like eight guys and one girl at 4:30 am. I was scared of getting caught, but I'm apparently good at lying through my teeth. :p
Then I got my license, so now I drive around at night with people. :)
The most memorable trip so far was with three of my friends. First we drove to Como Lake at like 11pm which has become somewhat of an informal inauguration within my friend group. Then we decided to drive downtown and go to Mickey's Diner as none of us had ever been there before. Thtat was certainly interesting considering it was my first time driving downtown alone; I was freaked that I was going to get caught accidentally doing something illegal, but luckily they have a parking lot to park in.
Other than that the summer has been fairly uninteresting. I found out my room mate and dorm today, which made everthing seem all that much closer. I guess it's for the better, because in reality I only have just over a month before the world flips upside down.
I guess that's all for now,
Slainte,
B
PS once I start school I'm going to try and write at least once a week to try and stay sane amonst all the madness, but I can't promise to do so.
Peace and Love!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Time Flies, Time Dies
I can't believe that it's already the middle of February already! O.O
Normally this would be the point where people would comment on how "it seems like just yesterday..." and I was honestly going to take that route, but in all honesty, even though the time is flying by, it still seems like it's been months. And yes, I am completely aware of the contradiction in that statement. I've been so busy in the last few months, but at the same time it feels like all I do is sit on the couch or on my bed and stare at the TV or my computer watching Netflix; I don't even read that much anymore. But between my Extended Essay for IB, college applications, and general homework and tests, the time really has passed.
I would like to announce that I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY EXTENDED ESSAY!! As in I don't have to look at it again...ever. It is out of my life. As much fun as I had listening to all the music and learning about the political atmosphere of the 1960s and how it related to the music, I'm so glad that I finally got at least that portion of stress off my shoulders. Despite all the headaches that went along with preparing it however, I really am proud of the finished product. I think that it was a fairly well-written paper once I finally remembered how to write a freaking research paper. I know right?! How could I forget! I used to be pretty damn good at it and for some reason actually enjoyed it. Yea, I was a pretty weird kid...not that I'm any less weird now :p. But pretty much the whole problem was that in IB you don't write research papers, you write commentaries and essays. Once I got back into the swing of things, it turned out pretty damn good. And now it's gone!!
As for college, that's yet another monstrosity I've been dealing with for like months now. I know everyone is going through pretty much the same thing, but I have no idea how they deal with the stress sometimes. o.O Anyway, I applied to five colleges and got accepted to all five, although I wasn't so sure that I would actually be accepted into the last one, they took long enough getting back to me. -_- I applied to the U of M Twin Cities, St. Catherine University, Hamline University, Gustavus Adolphus College, and Augsburg College. My top two choices are St. Catherine's and Hamline...mostly because they both offered my the most money :P
I went on a Hamline over-night last weekend and it was certainly interesting. I got to see some of campus life which was pretty fun; we even went Swing dancing!! At first I was a little reticent, since I didn't know how to do the steps and I hate just sitting there like a bump on a log. However, some of the members of the swing-dance club took the group of over-nighters into the hall and taught us all how to dance! It was so much fun! Although my partner never smiled.But overall it was a fun experience and everyone was very friendly and the program was very informative.
Last night into today I did my overnight at St. Kate's. Wow. My mind is completely blown. I didn't think that the experience would be much different than Hamline. I've heard people talk about how they fell in love with their first choice and really felt a connection, but I hadn't felt like this about any college and so I was just expecting to enjoy myself, but nothing more. Boy was I wrong. The people there were so friendly and welcoming and just all around cheerful and fun. My hostesses were both English majors which was a lot of fun and the whole evening was one big nerd-off. We literally sat on the dorm floor and told anecdotes and laughed our asses off . :p
We even went on a night tour of the campus, exploring the buildings with unlocked doors. It was really fun...especially O'Shaugnessy. The campus is absolutely beautiful and even though it's situated in the middle of St. Paul and is flanked by two busy thoroughfares, it was almost silent. The quietness amazed me. Similar to the feeling of Hamline but somehow more so, I felt like I was in another world. Even the dorm made me feel more comfortable. Hamline's dorm was very clean and modern and very nice. This one however, I stayed in Crandall, was pretty small and looked like a 70s apartment building...which it essentially is. I loved it! haha I'm not sure exactly what that says about my personality. The dining room was much less cafeteria-like and more like a restaurant with a bunch of little round tables..it was nice. I really enjoyed the classes too. But I think the most important thing was the contrast of how I felt during the whole trip. At Hamline as the night and following day progressed, I started to feel slightly panicked and not wanting to commit. However at St. Kate's it just felt right and I was way more comfortable with the idea of the future, which was a new feeling.
At first I was freaked out about going to a school with only girls, but in all honesty, I didn't really notice the lack of masculinity there today, and I really like the idea of a school that is essentially built around female empowerment.
Wow this is really long,.... O.O
Ok I better sign off, but suffice it to say I think I've found my future! :)
Normally this would be the point where people would comment on how "it seems like just yesterday..." and I was honestly going to take that route, but in all honesty, even though the time is flying by, it still seems like it's been months. And yes, I am completely aware of the contradiction in that statement. I've been so busy in the last few months, but at the same time it feels like all I do is sit on the couch or on my bed and stare at the TV or my computer watching Netflix; I don't even read that much anymore. But between my Extended Essay for IB, college applications, and general homework and tests, the time really has passed.
I would like to announce that I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY EXTENDED ESSAY!! As in I don't have to look at it again...ever. It is out of my life. As much fun as I had listening to all the music and learning about the political atmosphere of the 1960s and how it related to the music, I'm so glad that I finally got at least that portion of stress off my shoulders. Despite all the headaches that went along with preparing it however, I really am proud of the finished product. I think that it was a fairly well-written paper once I finally remembered how to write a freaking research paper. I know right?! How could I forget! I used to be pretty damn good at it and for some reason actually enjoyed it. Yea, I was a pretty weird kid...not that I'm any less weird now :p. But pretty much the whole problem was that in IB you don't write research papers, you write commentaries and essays. Once I got back into the swing of things, it turned out pretty damn good. And now it's gone!!
As for college, that's yet another monstrosity I've been dealing with for like months now. I know everyone is going through pretty much the same thing, but I have no idea how they deal with the stress sometimes. o.O Anyway, I applied to five colleges and got accepted to all five, although I wasn't so sure that I would actually be accepted into the last one, they took long enough getting back to me. -_- I applied to the U of M Twin Cities, St. Catherine University, Hamline University, Gustavus Adolphus College, and Augsburg College. My top two choices are St. Catherine's and Hamline...mostly because they both offered my the most money :P
I went on a Hamline over-night last weekend and it was certainly interesting. I got to see some of campus life which was pretty fun; we even went Swing dancing!! At first I was a little reticent, since I didn't know how to do the steps and I hate just sitting there like a bump on a log. However, some of the members of the swing-dance club took the group of over-nighters into the hall and taught us all how to dance! It was so much fun! Although my partner never smiled.But overall it was a fun experience and everyone was very friendly and the program was very informative.
Last night into today I did my overnight at St. Kate's. Wow. My mind is completely blown. I didn't think that the experience would be much different than Hamline. I've heard people talk about how they fell in love with their first choice and really felt a connection, but I hadn't felt like this about any college and so I was just expecting to enjoy myself, but nothing more. Boy was I wrong. The people there were so friendly and welcoming and just all around cheerful and fun. My hostesses were both English majors which was a lot of fun and the whole evening was one big nerd-off. We literally sat on the dorm floor and told anecdotes and laughed our asses off . :p
We even went on a night tour of the campus, exploring the buildings with unlocked doors. It was really fun...especially O'Shaugnessy. The campus is absolutely beautiful and even though it's situated in the middle of St. Paul and is flanked by two busy thoroughfares, it was almost silent. The quietness amazed me. Similar to the feeling of Hamline but somehow more so, I felt like I was in another world. Even the dorm made me feel more comfortable. Hamline's dorm was very clean and modern and very nice. This one however, I stayed in Crandall, was pretty small and looked like a 70s apartment building...which it essentially is. I loved it! haha I'm not sure exactly what that says about my personality. The dining room was much less cafeteria-like and more like a restaurant with a bunch of little round tables..it was nice. I really enjoyed the classes too. But I think the most important thing was the contrast of how I felt during the whole trip. At Hamline as the night and following day progressed, I started to feel slightly panicked and not wanting to commit. However at St. Kate's it just felt right and I was way more comfortable with the idea of the future, which was a new feeling.
At first I was freaked out about going to a school with only girls, but in all honesty, I didn't really notice the lack of masculinity there today, and I really like the idea of a school that is essentially built around female empowerment.
Wow this is really long,.... O.O
Ok I better sign off, but suffice it to say I think I've found my future! :)
Slán go fóill,
B
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