I have recently been watching the epic tv series Merlin from BBC. It is an awesome show and has reawakened in me the obsession I had when I was little surrounding the legends of King Arthur. I've always loved magic and legends and myths, having grown up reading and being told stories. Even then I felt the pangs of sadness that I couldn't hop into my books and enter their world.
I've become obsessed once again, to the point where Arthur and his cohorts are on my brain nearly all the time.
Now the sadness is back and it's overwhelming. It sounds stupid and childish, but I want to be in Camelot, or I want to go back to the 60s and attend Woodstock, or I want to meet the High Kings of Ireland and steal away to Tir nA nOg. But seeing as I can't Actually Physically transport myself there, i'm thrown into depression and I don't know what to do. It's like my wildest dreams are dangled in front of me and I just can't reach, or they're pulled away from me at just the last moment as a voice snickers maniacally in the Void.
I feel I'm lost between the worlds. I have no real interest in this world, but all others are closed off from me. :'(
Monday, February 4, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
If I Ever Leave This World Alive
Listening to: "Black is the Colour" by Gaelic Storm
Drinking: Tea of course :P
Reading: Shattered Mirror
Well it's 2013! We made it through the end of the world, aren't we all so clever, we should all pat ourselves on the back before we go back to slow destroying the planet and each other.
Congratulations, that was your daily dose of sarcasm. :P
It's hard to believe that it's already almost the end of January. But I guess since I've spent the last four weeks pretty much just sleeping, reading, and watching Netflix, I shouldn't be surprised that time has passed without my knowledge. However, the end of January spells change once again. Well I guess it's not really anything new, just different from what it has been recently.
That's right, starting February 4th, I will be officially immersed in the second semester of my college career. This of course means that I will be moving back into the dorm next weekend and frantically trying to get my homework done before the first day of class.
I should have done this a month ago, but the end of the semester busy. I kind of just want to reflect on my first semester.
I think that the most glaring fact is that it was not what I was expecting it to be; from talking to other girls on my floor, they felt the same way. I had the same issue with high school, although I think college is even more distorted. From tv shows and movies we get this shiny, intense, free, exciting look at what college life is like. Now granted I knew it would be different going to a small all-girls school, but I guess maybe I expected more?
Don't get me wrong, I love the atmosphere and the feeling of sisterhood etc, but it gets really boring on weekends, and I do miss dudes if only for the social aspect of talking to someone who is not female.
Also I've come to learn a lot about myself. The most important thing being that I can only stand a certain amount of people-time and then I need to be alone. It's thus really tough living with someone else because you can't be alone in your own room. However at the same time I can't be completely alone or I get restless as I found out last summer. It's hard though because in order to not blow up and start screaming at people, I try to pull into myself and just ignore everyone and put my headphones etc. I can't explain to anyone because I have my pride and I don't want their pity...plus I wouldn't know what to say.
At the end of the semester my mood was pretty dark and I just felt like I needed to get out. Now it's loads better and I'm even kind of looking forward to going back, but I know it's still not going to change much. It's ironic because the root of most of my issues is Change itself. Everyone else seems to loving growing up and being in college but I just can't face the future. I don't see anything to look forward to except debt, working all the time, and being miserable. Why are people so anxious to run headlong into the harshness of the world? What's the point?
Well anyway, that's all I guess. Wow depressing stuff. Oh well.
Peace.
slán go fóil
Drinking: Tea of course :P
Reading: Shattered Mirror
Well it's 2013! We made it through the end of the world, aren't we all so clever, we should all pat ourselves on the back before we go back to slow destroying the planet and each other.
Congratulations, that was your daily dose of sarcasm. :P
It's hard to believe that it's already almost the end of January. But I guess since I've spent the last four weeks pretty much just sleeping, reading, and watching Netflix, I shouldn't be surprised that time has passed without my knowledge. However, the end of January spells change once again. Well I guess it's not really anything new, just different from what it has been recently.
That's right, starting February 4th, I will be officially immersed in the second semester of my college career. This of course means that I will be moving back into the dorm next weekend and frantically trying to get my homework done before the first day of class.
I should have done this a month ago, but the end of the semester busy. I kind of just want to reflect on my first semester.
I think that the most glaring fact is that it was not what I was expecting it to be; from talking to other girls on my floor, they felt the same way. I had the same issue with high school, although I think college is even more distorted. From tv shows and movies we get this shiny, intense, free, exciting look at what college life is like. Now granted I knew it would be different going to a small all-girls school, but I guess maybe I expected more?
Don't get me wrong, I love the atmosphere and the feeling of sisterhood etc, but it gets really boring on weekends, and I do miss dudes if only for the social aspect of talking to someone who is not female.
Also I've come to learn a lot about myself. The most important thing being that I can only stand a certain amount of people-time and then I need to be alone. It's thus really tough living with someone else because you can't be alone in your own room. However at the same time I can't be completely alone or I get restless as I found out last summer. It's hard though because in order to not blow up and start screaming at people, I try to pull into myself and just ignore everyone and put my headphones etc. I can't explain to anyone because I have my pride and I don't want their pity...plus I wouldn't know what to say.
At the end of the semester my mood was pretty dark and I just felt like I needed to get out. Now it's loads better and I'm even kind of looking forward to going back, but I know it's still not going to change much. It's ironic because the root of most of my issues is Change itself. Everyone else seems to loving growing up and being in college but I just can't face the future. I don't see anything to look forward to except debt, working all the time, and being miserable. Why are people so anxious to run headlong into the harshness of the world? What's the point?
Well anyway, that's all I guess. Wow depressing stuff. Oh well.
Peace.
slán go fóil
Monday, December 10, 2012
But the Isle of home is always on your mind...
I have a very sick obsession.
There is quite literally not a day that goes by in which I do not think of the consecutive seven letters I-R-E-L-A-N-D at least once. Every time that someone asks me if I'm 100%, or even half Irish, I feel like a guilty poser. I'm only a quarter. There are a ton of people all across the country and even the world who are part Irish and never give it a second thought. What is wrong with me?
For eighteen years I've been surrounded by Ireland by nature of being brought up in my house. But so what? I know for a fact that going there three years ago definitely made it worse. I miss it so much! But the thing is, I feel like my brain has taken the concept of Ireland and run with it. I felt this way before we went in 2010, I remember. My dad kept making comments about how I was going to be disappointed in Ireland or how I was going to be bored; I think he was a bit nervous actually. Now I'm just worried that next time I go I'll be disappointed because I've romanticized it so much. It probably doesn't help that I've been taking an Irish and Scottish Lit class. It will be interesting to see how much I think of Ireland next semester; maybe it will decrease. Haha. I doubt it.
Anyway, as I really have to pee (something I'm sure all of you were just dying to know about), I'll bid adieu.
Much love,
B
There is quite literally not a day that goes by in which I do not think of the consecutive seven letters I-R-E-L-A-N-D at least once. Every time that someone asks me if I'm 100%, or even half Irish, I feel like a guilty poser. I'm only a quarter. There are a ton of people all across the country and even the world who are part Irish and never give it a second thought. What is wrong with me?
For eighteen years I've been surrounded by Ireland by nature of being brought up in my house. But so what? I know for a fact that going there three years ago definitely made it worse. I miss it so much! But the thing is, I feel like my brain has taken the concept of Ireland and run with it. I felt this way before we went in 2010, I remember. My dad kept making comments about how I was going to be disappointed in Ireland or how I was going to be bored; I think he was a bit nervous actually. Now I'm just worried that next time I go I'll be disappointed because I've romanticized it so much. It probably doesn't help that I've been taking an Irish and Scottish Lit class. It will be interesting to see how much I think of Ireland next semester; maybe it will decrease. Haha. I doubt it.
Anyway, as I really have to pee (something I'm sure all of you were just dying to know about), I'll bid adieu.
Much love,
B
Saturday, November 17, 2012
How lovely to be a woman...
This is a random post about being a woman in the world and femininity in general.
So for several years I have had issues with my body and the way I look. Who hasn't? I take my hat off to anyone really, not even just females, who has never had a problem with their image; if such a person exists, which I doubt. Anyway, this last June I wanted to buy myself a bikini, something I have never owned, choosing instead the more conservative "tankini". My mom who was with me was uncomfortable with me buying one (even though I'm 18) because she thought that I felt that I needed to show more for boys to like me. In fact the reason that I wanted to buy one was to prove to myself that I was confident enough to wear it; which I did. :)
However, this instance and others related have given me much food for thought, and I'm still not sure exactly where I stand. Part of this has to do with strippers, the way girls dress today, and I guess just the female image. On the one hand I feel like girls that dress slutty are only doing it to get the attention of guys and I think i sort of think lowly of strippers because they parade around half-naked all the time. However, on the other hand I know that there are people who are just super comfortable with their body and I have to respect that. But even though I feel comfortable (to an extent) wearing a bikini, why do I feel the need to show off my body in the first place? Why is this a confidence boost? I can't help but asking myself why girls continue to bear their cleavage etc no matter how comfortable they are with themselves because it perpetuates a stereotypical view of women.
Then I have to condemn myself. I know that when there's a possibility of being in the presence of a guy, like if I'm going out or something, I'm more likely to put on a low-cut tank, or a fitted tee. This may sound desperate, but it's not. It's more the fact that I know I look good with this accentuation of my form. However, my question is, why don't I think that when I'm wearing a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants? Why do we only feel good about ourselves when we slap on some makeup and spend hours on our hair? I obviously don't want guys to sit there and look at my breasts from across the room, but then why do I wear the shirts? Do I think it will get them to come talk to me? It never works anyway lol.
I feel like for centuries admiration of Natural Beauty has been nearly extinguished by an emphasis on the idea that one needs to "pretty one's self up". We spend all our time judging the appearance of others, and lord knows I do it all the freaking time (though I'm not proud of it), and thinking "Well, maybe if they tried a little harder..."
They shouldn't have to. We are all beautiful because we are women, a beautiful (mostly) and dangerous thing.
If anyone actually reads this, tell the next female you see how beautiful she is, and realize that it's true, we are ALL beautiful.
Ok, I'm done :p
Peace and Love,
Slaínte
B
So for several years I have had issues with my body and the way I look. Who hasn't? I take my hat off to anyone really, not even just females, who has never had a problem with their image; if such a person exists, which I doubt. Anyway, this last June I wanted to buy myself a bikini, something I have never owned, choosing instead the more conservative "tankini". My mom who was with me was uncomfortable with me buying one (even though I'm 18) because she thought that I felt that I needed to show more for boys to like me. In fact the reason that I wanted to buy one was to prove to myself that I was confident enough to wear it; which I did. :)
However, this instance and others related have given me much food for thought, and I'm still not sure exactly where I stand. Part of this has to do with strippers, the way girls dress today, and I guess just the female image. On the one hand I feel like girls that dress slutty are only doing it to get the attention of guys and I think i sort of think lowly of strippers because they parade around half-naked all the time. However, on the other hand I know that there are people who are just super comfortable with their body and I have to respect that. But even though I feel comfortable (to an extent) wearing a bikini, why do I feel the need to show off my body in the first place? Why is this a confidence boost? I can't help but asking myself why girls continue to bear their cleavage etc no matter how comfortable they are with themselves because it perpetuates a stereotypical view of women.
Then I have to condemn myself. I know that when there's a possibility of being in the presence of a guy, like if I'm going out or something, I'm more likely to put on a low-cut tank, or a fitted tee. This may sound desperate, but it's not. It's more the fact that I know I look good with this accentuation of my form. However, my question is, why don't I think that when I'm wearing a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants? Why do we only feel good about ourselves when we slap on some makeup and spend hours on our hair? I obviously don't want guys to sit there and look at my breasts from across the room, but then why do I wear the shirts? Do I think it will get them to come talk to me? It never works anyway lol.
I feel like for centuries admiration of Natural Beauty has been nearly extinguished by an emphasis on the idea that one needs to "pretty one's self up". We spend all our time judging the appearance of others, and lord knows I do it all the freaking time (though I'm not proud of it), and thinking "Well, maybe if they tried a little harder..."
They shouldn't have to. We are all beautiful because we are women, a beautiful (mostly) and dangerous thing.
If anyone actually reads this, tell the next female you see how beautiful she is, and realize that it's true, we are ALL beautiful.
Ok, I'm done :p
Peace and Love,
Slaínte
B
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Whenever You're in Trouble, Just Stand By Me
Hello blog universe :)
Why does it seem I am only capable of posting at six-month intervals? Oh well.
So. A ton has happened since I last posted in February. Probably the most important thing is that I graduated. I am officially an alumna of Central High School! Go Minutemen!. It's so hard to believe that I only spent four years there; it seems like much longer. I think it's because I changed so much while I was there; some for the better, some probably for the worse. I joke with my friends that my poor innocent little freshman self would probably be scared (and rather appalled no doubt) of my senior self. I loved Central and will always remember it fondly, and plan to visit it often, not only to see friends in lower years but also to visit my favorite teachers. '12!
Another thing that happened that's pretty huge is that I FINALLY FINISHED IB! No more stupid Internal Assessments or Extended Essay, and best of all NO MORE FREAKING TOK!! As you can see, I'm pretty psyched about being done. The best part is that I actually managed to get the IB Diploma! By one measly point ;) Take that stupid IBO!! I still think that we should have organized a march on Cardiff where the headquarters are. It's interesting because all throughout I bemoaned my choice of getting into the program and swore if I could go back I wouldn't sign up for such an odyssey. However now I'm not so sure. Sure it was tough and I stressed myself out to the point of affecting my health, but there was a sense of solidarity that arose between all the "IB Kids". Not everyone got along, or even liked each other, but we were still all in hell together. And damn did it feel good to stand up in front of all the parents at Senior Honors Night and graduation with that golden stole knowing that I was a part of something, we pushed ourselves to the limit and succeeded. :)
The summer itself has been both incredibly boring and amazingly fun. When asked, I usually explain it as "the days are super boring, the nights are really fun". Thinking back, that could definitely be taken in a sordid light, but it isn't meant to be. It's just that a group of my friends usually operates at night. I spent the first couple of weeks of summer wandering the streets with a bunch of guys at 2am which is pretty fun. The most exciting incident being when I "crashed" a sleepover of like eight guys and one girl at 4:30 am. I was scared of getting caught, but I'm apparently good at lying through my teeth. :p
Then I got my license, so now I drive around at night with people. :)
The most memorable trip so far was with three of my friends. First we drove to Como Lake at like 11pm which has become somewhat of an informal inauguration within my friend group. Then we decided to drive downtown and go to Mickey's Diner as none of us had ever been there before. Thtat was certainly interesting considering it was my first time driving downtown alone; I was freaked that I was going to get caught accidentally doing something illegal, but luckily they have a parking lot to park in.
Other than that the summer has been fairly uninteresting. I found out my room mate and dorm today, which made everthing seem all that much closer. I guess it's for the better, because in reality I only have just over a month before the world flips upside down.
I guess that's all for now,
Slainte,
B
PS once I start school I'm going to try and write at least once a week to try and stay sane amonst all the madness, but I can't promise to do so.
Peace and Love!
Why does it seem I am only capable of posting at six-month intervals? Oh well.
So. A ton has happened since I last posted in February. Probably the most important thing is that I graduated. I am officially an alumna of Central High School! Go Minutemen!. It's so hard to believe that I only spent four years there; it seems like much longer. I think it's because I changed so much while I was there; some for the better, some probably for the worse. I joke with my friends that my poor innocent little freshman self would probably be scared (and rather appalled no doubt) of my senior self. I loved Central and will always remember it fondly, and plan to visit it often, not only to see friends in lower years but also to visit my favorite teachers. '12!
Another thing that happened that's pretty huge is that I FINALLY FINISHED IB! No more stupid Internal Assessments or Extended Essay, and best of all NO MORE FREAKING TOK!! As you can see, I'm pretty psyched about being done. The best part is that I actually managed to get the IB Diploma! By one measly point ;) Take that stupid IBO!! I still think that we should have organized a march on Cardiff where the headquarters are. It's interesting because all throughout I bemoaned my choice of getting into the program and swore if I could go back I wouldn't sign up for such an odyssey. However now I'm not so sure. Sure it was tough and I stressed myself out to the point of affecting my health, but there was a sense of solidarity that arose between all the "IB Kids". Not everyone got along, or even liked each other, but we were still all in hell together. And damn did it feel good to stand up in front of all the parents at Senior Honors Night and graduation with that golden stole knowing that I was a part of something, we pushed ourselves to the limit and succeeded. :)
The summer itself has been both incredibly boring and amazingly fun. When asked, I usually explain it as "the days are super boring, the nights are really fun". Thinking back, that could definitely be taken in a sordid light, but it isn't meant to be. It's just that a group of my friends usually operates at night. I spent the first couple of weeks of summer wandering the streets with a bunch of guys at 2am which is pretty fun. The most exciting incident being when I "crashed" a sleepover of like eight guys and one girl at 4:30 am. I was scared of getting caught, but I'm apparently good at lying through my teeth. :p
Then I got my license, so now I drive around at night with people. :)
The most memorable trip so far was with three of my friends. First we drove to Como Lake at like 11pm which has become somewhat of an informal inauguration within my friend group. Then we decided to drive downtown and go to Mickey's Diner as none of us had ever been there before. Thtat was certainly interesting considering it was my first time driving downtown alone; I was freaked that I was going to get caught accidentally doing something illegal, but luckily they have a parking lot to park in.
Other than that the summer has been fairly uninteresting. I found out my room mate and dorm today, which made everthing seem all that much closer. I guess it's for the better, because in reality I only have just over a month before the world flips upside down.
I guess that's all for now,
Slainte,
B
PS once I start school I'm going to try and write at least once a week to try and stay sane amonst all the madness, but I can't promise to do so.
Peace and Love!
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